Sasquatches Don't Text

Supposing all Sasquatches to be luddites, a Danish reporter asked a Canadian Sasquatch to explain why Sasquatch haven't embraced PDAs. The Sasquatch replied, the buttons are too small, you silly little donut. Then, he videotaped himself eating the reporter, transferred the files to his laptop and borrowed an unlocked WIFI connection to upload the footage to his untraceable website.