Drug Sniffing Sasquatches Turn Noses Up on New Deal

Drug sniffing Sasquatch in Nunavut launched a wild cat strike, leaving the province’s airports vulnerable to smugglers. The striking Sasquatch say they can’t do their jobs properly if forced to wear fine mesh screens over their noses. The airport authority says it’s the only way to stop [the Sasquatch] from inhaling all evidence of crime.

Sasquatches Go For Elvis Record

Residents of a tiny hamlet in Germany woke up to the sound of a 45-foot flatbed truck loaded with 82 Sasquatch Elvis impersonators. According to a spokesperson, the stunt was inspired by U2’s guerilla marketing tactics. Had the event been properly documented, it would have broken the current record for the largest number of Elvis impersonators to appear on one stage. Sadly, local journalists were unable to capture any clear images – mostly, black and white, out-of-focus, blurred shots of creatures that could, or could not, be real Sasquatches – you know, the same old story.

Sasquatch Report Goes Global

World, the Sasquatch Report.

In an attempt to put both our big feet into the modern world, we the editorial staff of Your Friday Sasquatch Report have created a blog.

With this powerful new tool we can be irrelevant to more people, in more places than ever before.

Tune in often and don't forget to shave your back and keep your head down.