Sasquatch Home Fart Kit

A German toy manufacturer has created a Sasquatch Home Fart Kit. No shit!

Kids sign up for monthly newsletters with instructions on how to recreate an authentic Sasquatch fart. This month, kids received a recipe for "Memories of Asian Tourist with Tripod and Nikon".

2 cups, sake

1 aged sneaker insole

Mirin, a versatile seasoning made by a natural process, using only cultured rice (koji) and pure spring water, with a little sea salt added before bottling.

Expired eggs

Combine ingredients in an empty Guinness can and flame the heck out of it with a Creme Brule torch.

You've Come a Long Way Sasquatch

In the depths of the Mariana Trench, the deepest point in the Pacific ocean, lives a trasparent shrimp-like thing. Transparent? Tough to see? Evolution? Connect the dots.

Sasquatch Facial Scare

Sasquatches love their chicken wings. In addition to traditional sauces such as hot, suicide and burning hoop, they also relish sweaty ass, teenage boy closet and Grandpa's Depends.

Long before chicken wings became popular with men who think it's okay to wear ball caps and sneakers on a European vacation, wing-fests were a big deal in the Sasquatch community.

Young adult males often shaved their chins in preparation for gorging orgies that would last up to three days. There's little doubt that this ritual was observed by early Canadian settlers as they railroaded innocent farmers and blew up immigrants.