Litter bad. Sasquatch good.

Bigfoot's been doin' it for years!

That's the headline for the "do-not-litter" campaign launched by Leave No Trace, the Center for Outdoor Ethics.

You can hear the Mad Men behind this campaign: "They don't believe that litter is bad, BUT they do believe in Bigfoot."

Boy, that Don Draper is dreamy.

Sasquatch Plan Lady Gaga Remake Bash

Sasquatch around the world are celebrating Cinco de Mayo today. According to Big Trends, Big Feet, many will be reenacting the US Military remake of Lady Gaga's telephone video just because.

Sasquatch is northern Alaska have responded to the Korean missile crisis by promising not to let Governor Sarah Palin leave the state.

Sasquatch and Obama. It had to happen.

It's no secret that Sasquatch in Alberta Canada have been harboring Che Guevara since they helped him fake his death in 1967. According to an email intercepted by the RCMP, Che was recently spotted picking mushrooms wearing a Barak Obama tee shirt. It must be true. You can't make up crap like that.

Sasquatches Sever Alcatraz Peninsula

According to an article in 'Severed Peninsulas' magazine, the tip of Alcatraz Peninsula was severed from mainland San Francisco by the Sasquatch Corp of Engineers in late 1743. The island was to be a safe haven resort for Sasquatch seeking peace from the natives.

It's true.

The Summer of Sasquatch Love

1967, was the Summer of Love. For the hippies who refused to leave the intersection of Haight and Ashbury in San Francisco, it's now the 41st Summer of Love and they aren't looking so loved anymore.

On a team building trip to the outdated district our team of researchers stopped to question the local hippy population. Here are just a few of the answers we got.

FSR: Have you ever been a Sasquatch?
Yeah man. There's one working a Ben and Jerry's right now. Are you hungry?

FSR: If all hippies have long hair, and sasquatch have long hair, are all Sasquatch hippies?
Whoa. You're right. I don't know. Are you hungry?

Sasquatch Readers Write

One of our long-time readers sent this story, recently published by the CBC. It begs the question "Is the value that taxpayers get for their money real or just an entertaining myth?"

A mother and daughter on a berry-picking excursion in northwestern Ontario, Canada, claim the giant, black, hulking figure they saw last week might be the legendary sasquatch, the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation reported Monday.

At roughly the same time, a private Sasquatch-funded newspaper ran this story.

Who the hell goes berry picking? Don't those things come from Mexico now?

Sasquatches Up The Ante on Earth Day

Sasquatches in northern Ontario have agreed to turn out their lights for one hour on March 8, 2008 in support of Earth Hour. They have also agreed to punch out Tom Cruise's lights for an hour if anyone can deliver him to their secret hideout. We don't encourage violence, but we think that's kinda funny.

Sasquatology anyone?

Sasquatch Dictionary Gets Presidential Update

We rarely look to our friends in the so-called sober media for stories. It's still cheaper and easier to make them up. However, this bit of real news crossed the wire and our hard working team of researchers insisted that we publish it.

Bill Clinton Sees a Role in White House
21 hours ago

ATLANTA (AP) — Bill Clinton doesn't want to become the White House's Sasquatch.

The former president says it would be a mistake for him to have a specific job if he were to return to Washington with a new Clinton administration.

"I'd be like the abominable snowman," Clinton told reporters Monday. "I'd be Bigfooting everybody even if I tried not to. There's almost no way you can avoid that."

Hey Bill, we thought you were bigfooting everybody when you were in office.

Rising Canadian Dollar Good for Sasquatches

Blame the new intern on our research team for this one.

A noted demographer hypothesizes that the rise of the Canadian dollar againt the Yankee Greenback will keep American hunters and fisherpeople away Canada's fresh-water haven, creating more privacy for Sasquatches, triggering the 45th Sasquatch Baby Boom in recorded history.

Drug Sniffing Sasquatches Turn Noses Up on New Deal

Drug sniffing Sasquatch in Nunavut launched a wild cat strike, leaving the province’s airports vulnerable to smugglers. The striking Sasquatch say they can’t do their jobs properly if forced to wear fine mesh screens over their noses. The airport authority says it’s the only way to stop [the Sasquatch] from inhaling all evidence of crime.