Wednesday, September 06, 2006

Sasquatch Not So Idol Anymore

This report was sent to us by a foreign correspondent. We enjoy receiving stories from around the world because we can spend less time researching and more time drinking Lagavulin. That's right, Lagavulin, the scotch made famous in David Eddie's novel "Chump Change".

American Idol’s first Sasquatch contestant was eliminated this week after delivering a controversial performance. The Elvis impersonator – Smelvis – had previously been a fan favorite, and drove a spike in the ratings with his renditions of "All Shook Up" and "Blue Suede Shoes." Extensive damage to the stage aside, the producers were delighted with the increased viewership. However, he took a creative gamble by singing his original country tune "Itchin’ for Lovin’" and plummeted out of favour. Smelvis said that he needed to break out creatively, and would take that same chance again. He always knew this could happen, and simply plans on returning to his day job as an esthetician in Brooklyn.

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