A Breath of Bad Air

A two million dollar scientific grant was given to a chemist in Turkey who proved that while Sasquatch breath can bring a penny back to its original shine faster than any commercially prepared colas, it’s just not as refreshing. We applaud this use of tax dollars. Right now, our team of researchers is attempting to determine if 19 pints of Guinness will get you more pissed than two. We hope to receive funding shortly.