Litter bad. Sasquatch good.

Bigfoot's been doin' it for years!

That's the headline for the "do-not-litter" campaign launched by Leave No Trace, the Center for Outdoor Ethics.

You can hear the Mad Men behind this campaign: "They don't believe that litter is bad, BUT they do believe in Bigfoot."

Boy, that Don Draper is dreamy.

Hatch is Top Sasquatch Action Figure Collectible

Survivor season-one-winner Richard Hatch is this year's most popular human action figure according to Big Collectibles Magazine. No shit. This could be real.

BJ and the Sasquatch

A source close to the bear confirms that the animal actor was grateful for the studio's last-minute decision to switch the role of cute-but-completely-implausible side-kick from a teen Sasquatch to an adult chimpanze.

According to the unconfirmed source, "It really came down to the practicality of shooting in the big rig."

Now roll down memory lane with your favourite good-deed-doin' tough guy. If this doesn't make you want to teach your chimp how to sing, you're not alive.

Sasaquatch of Influence

The Sasquatch of Influence conference wrapped up last week. No minutes were published nor photos taken at the exclusive, reclusive event.

Sasquatch of Influence are nominated by peers in exchange for equally biased nominations in the future. "It's tough to choose," according the officials, "because the Sasquatch community prides itself on not changing. Therefore, the greatest influencers are those who do the least."

The Portrait Theory for the Existence of Sasquatch

Our researchers have been looking for new lobby art. After scouring the world for the best Sasquatch portraits, they made an interesting observation: Painters from around the world captured the same genetic details. How would this possible unless they were in the presence of real Sasquatch? At this point, we invite you, loyal reader, to examine the perfectly symmetrical teeth detailed in these very different paintings.

Sims Means Eternity for Beloved Sasquatch

Long after we're dead (meaning me and my team of illegal Bolivian researchers) Sasquatch will live on (at least until the power runs out and the Internet just goes to sleep like one of those old tvs after the national anthem) because he is alive in the virtual world of the Sims and apparently screwing white chicks.

Sasquatch Plan Lady Gaga Remake Bash

Sasquatch around the world are celebrating Cinco de Mayo today. According to Big Trends, Big Feet, many will be reenacting the US Military remake of Lady Gaga's telephone video just because.

Four Square Sasquatch Badge

Here's one for the geeks out there.

According to officials at Foursquare no one has claimed the highly coveted Sasquatch badge.

Sasquatch Readers Write

Egan,
Do you and your team of Bolivian illegal researchers have any tips for young bloggers?

Dear Wanker,
Congratulations on being the ninth visitor to our failed blog. We'd be happy to give you some great advice.

1. Treat the truth like your last remaining testicle. It's all you've got and when it's gone, well it's gone forever Starsky.

2. Sobriety and objectivity are like drunk cousins. Never leave them alone unsupervised.

3. Understand search engines. Use typos and misleading meta tags to your advantage. For example, saskwach and boobies.

Hope this helps. Now put your pants on. Your mom probably has your dinner ready.

Lions and Tiger and Sasquatch

A spokesSasquatch denies rumours that Tiger Woods has been laying low in an abandoned terrorist training camp in northern Canada, under the protection of a local Lion's Club, rumoured to be under the protection of the Sasquatch.

Our team of illegal Bolivian researchers promised to burn their notes in exchange for an autographed Nike cap.

Sasquatch Survey

Percentage of Sasquatch in a random study that reported having a "good hair day" . 100

Sasquatch Get Sappy Over Soupy

Sasquatch around the world are mourning the death of Soupy Sales. The actor, comedian was best known as a philanthropist in the Sasquatch community. According to a spokesSasquatch, "He always made time to visit secret shelters and bring a laugh to young, under-privileged Sasquatch addicted to the pipe or just dealing with basic, ontological identity crises."

The influence of this legendary comic can be found in a Sasquatch dictionary left in a cab in St. Mary's Ontario.

Soupy. (adj.) to spread joy and laughter, the way Soupy would after a few bottles of rum, while skeet shooting at a secret terrorist training ground in Northern Ontario.

Example: Dude, you're like so Soupy.

Thanks to our team of Bolivian researchers for digging deep and coming up with the facts on this one.

Pie in your face Soupy. Sleep tight.

American Sasquatch Wisdom

Where's Michael Moore when you need him? This is an excerpt from a conversation on an American blog forum.



Bigfoot doesn't exist
"They haven't found a dead one. With the population growing as [fast as it] is someone would have shot one by now."

While this man was waiting for his automatic camera to take another snap, his truck was stolen by a Sasquatch.

Sasquatch CSI

Where will David Caruso end up?

[Actual copy from http://www.ontariosasquatch.com/]

At Ontario Sasquatch, our goal is to conduct thorough investigations. We strive to use the highest standards of evidence collection. We will make every attempt to contact you in a timely fashion and do an on-site investigation.

We are affiliated with many respected and serious research groups in Canada and the United States. Visit our Other Sites page for links to our close associates.

Sasquatch Pick Pockets Clean Up

In some alternative hippie universe Sasquatch pick pockets paid a skinny drunk guy to set off a dance craze so they could loot party-goers. At approximately 0:56 seconds, a Sasquatch youth can be seen joining the fun.

Sasquatch is northern Alaska have responded to the Korean missile crisis by promising not to let Governor Sarah Palin leave the state.

Sasquatch and Obama. It had to happen.

It's no secret that Sasquatch in Alberta Canada have been harboring Che Guevara since they helped him fake his death in 1967. According to an email intercepted by the RCMP, Che was recently spotted picking mushrooms wearing a Barak Obama tee shirt. It must be true. You can't make up crap like that.

Sasquatch Barber Shops Thriving in Bad Economy

A leading magazine devoted to franchise opportunities has named mobile sasquatch barber shops the "most promising opportunity in 2009".

Calling the business recession-proof, the magazine offers a buyers guide to used RVs including this 1987 "Bigfoot" model.

Send a Sasquatch to Happy Camp

This is true and we love these guys.

A ceramic statue of Big Foot hitchhiking to Happy Camp is one of many art pieces on display in “The Sasquatch Chronicles” at Pacific Western Traders.

Ray Charles Rocks Sasquatch New Year

Singer, performer Ray Charles was just one of many visually impaired musicians duped into playing live concerts to sold out Sasquatch crowds. Event organizers would claim the horrific smell came from a nearby chicken farm. Handlers were paid off in cash and the promise of enlightenment in the afterlife.