Readers Go Luney for Sasquatches

Years ago, when Your Friday Sasquatch Report was just a simple e-newsletter, we published the following story.

NASA is responding to rumours that the Apollo Space Mission was created for the sole purpose of starting a Sasquatch colony on the moon. The highly secretive space agency is considering a media junket to dispel speculation. No word on which journalists would make the trip.

Since then, we’ve received a number of reports relating to the alleged Sasquatch colony and its lunar antics. Here are just a few.

First generation lunar Sasquatches have grown an average of one foot taller as the low gravity atmosphere relieves pressure on their vertebrae. Since most of the equipment and camping gear left by NASA, was developed for an average-height adult Sasquatch, incidents of back pain and forehead trauma are on the rise.

Sasquatch younglings born into the low-gravity environment adjust and grow quickly. However, the Sasquatch is known for the intensity of its flatulence and it’s common for new-borns to propel themselves out of their cribs. Unable to walk, a “gassy-sassy” (their term, not ours) can easily blast out of sight for days.

Mischievous Sasquatch youth gangs are taking the risk of being viewed from earth as they gouge out the face of “the man on the moon” to look like Cher.

Elder Sasquatches are living longer because they no longer rely on their legs to get around. Instead, they slap the ground, much like angry children, to move from pub to pub. With little or no need to use their giant feet for conventional purposes, many older Sasquatches have taken up knitting. Others are painting greeting cards with their toes. They hope to sell the cards on eBay to raise money for field trips back to earth.

That’s what’s happening on the dark side of the moon, and that’s YOUR Friday Sasquatch. Don’t forget to shave your back and keep your head down.