The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzsasquatch

While shooting a “Heritage Moment” television ad based on the Iroquois/Sasquatch peace treaty, producers discovered ancient song lyrics that bear an eery resemblance to a popular Canadian tune.

A portion of those lyrics are published below with virtually no permission from anyone.

The legend lives on from the Iroquois on down
of the Sasquatch they call Benmulroonie.
The Sasquatch, it’s said, never gets out of bed
when the skies of November turn gloomy.

Full of wild boar, 95 pounds more,
than the Sasquatch weighed just this mornin’.
With big feet and shoes, he continued to chew,
when the gales of November came early

Benmulroonie was the pride of the Sasquatch side
Coming back from some bar in Alberta.
As the big foots go he was bigger than most
half pickled and clearly well seasoned.

Concluding some terms with a media firm
for his honeymoon photos from Cleveland
And later that night he was royally tight
could that be his own pee he’d been feeling.

The gas from his ass made a tattletale sound
and a cloud floated over the railing
And every Sasquatch knew, as the Benmulroonie did, too,
T'was the witch of barley come stealing.

Does anyone know where the love of God goes
when a Sasquatch with gas comes to dinner.
The diners all say they’d have all got away
if they’d put fifteen more miles behind them.

In a musty old hall in Detroit they prayed
In the Sasquatch Wax Museum.
The church bell chimed, 'til it rang 29 times
for the tourists who lined up to see’um.

The legend lives on from the Iroquois on down
of the Sasquatch they call Benmulroonie.
The Sasquatch, it’s said, never gets out of bed
when the skies of November turn gloomy.